Sitting outside my bedroom because I’m scared to face what I did! Yes I’ve done wrong, yes he’s done wrong… but this time I REALLY MESSED UP! I had a PAST that no one around here knew! I moved away from my home town in 2008 for a fresh start. See, I’m not your average wifey material. I’ve been through things & done things I’m not quite proud of, but it truly made me who I am today!!! Hoping I never relapse!
In August 2009 on a Fun Friday night, I met this guy at an Atlanta nightclub. Y’all he was: dark skinned, dreads, bling, & handsome with an all black Mercedes Benz. He approached me, Told me his name was Marcus, asked me for my name and to buy my a drink. Hello, my name is Jennifer and sure I would like a Long Island Iced tea on the rocks! We engaged in some conversation and even danced a little. As the night ended we exchanged numbers and went our own ways! About 2 weeks later, I finally decided to give him a call. Oh was a grinning hard over the phone and from there everything was history! Guess what, he owned that nightclub where we met!
See, Marcus had my full undivided attention, we started hanging out and getting to know each other! But what I didn’t do, was tell him about my PAST and who I really used to be. He liked the Jennifer I am today and I wanted to keep it that way! Dates started happening and we started falling for each other. Damn, this starting the get too good! After all, I do deserve someone! Marcus, was a very busy man! He owned 1 nightclub, 1 barbershop and 1 carwash. I was only an Executive Assistant at a Law Firm.
Years have passed by, and we fell for each other. We finally fell in loved. My my my was this an oh so wonderful feeling! I’ve finally gotten the companionship I wanted, I finally found someone to fill this empty void. The sex was long, deep, and passionate with each stroke! Can’t forget Spontaneous! The kisses were absolutely amazing especially when it was between my thighs. We moved in together & Things were almost perfect. But who has a PERFECT relationship? No one!!
As we became comfortable with each other, things began to shift. The love was still there but the time and attention I once had was decreasing! Yes, he was a busy man but when you start something you become accustomed to it and want it all the time. I didn’t realize I had become selfish & he didn’t realize he had become too busy! He was about his businesses and money! We’ve had conversations about it but we both knew the business played a big role so we had to make due with what we could until there was more free time for the both of us! I had a 9-5, so I pretty much had all the freedom I needed in the evenings. Meanwhile, Marcus had to mange the 3 owned businesses. So because The time & wanted attention was decreasing, the old Jennifer wanted to come out and play! The girl I called Angela.
In my past, I was a ‘Call Girl’ … although the money looked great, what I personally enjoyed was the attention the men gave as I performed the services they wanted! No, I didn’t normally do random guys! It was normally men I knew or men I trusted! Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but I loved it. So those thoughts started crowding my mind, the old images, the old attention.. everything was jumping out at me. I started a plan, I began brainstorming and before you knew it….. I was back in business.
So to fast forward, things were going good! Marcus was doing his thing, I was doing my thing but Home was still being managed. Although, I was lacking attention from who I wanted, Angela made up for it all! I then, became greedy and one guy I chose, little did I know IT WAS ABOUT TO MESS UP MY HOME! This one guy I started dealing with was the ULTIMATE male! I mean when Im alone with him HE SHOWERED me with whatever as long as I was performing those services he wanted! Well he wasn’t quiet about the woman he’s been messing with(Angela)… He went to his friend who he always confided in. That friend was my very own man, Marcus. Marcus was being told everything about Angela. How beautiful she was, how attentive she was, and how great her sex was. When I was alone with Marcus friend, Frank, I had so much trust in him… I let him bend some of the rules. After all, No one would find out right. But what I didn’t know is that he’s been secretly RECORDING US when we were together. Marcus had asked him to see a picture of this spectacular woman Angela, he’s always bragging on. Even though he knew he shouldn’t he did anyways, he showed a video of him and Angela. Although I always wear a pretty mask over my eyes, Marcus knew my body frame. He instantly knew it was me. He told him no no no that ain’t Angela, that’s my girlfriend Jennifer. Remember I introduced you all a few years ago. I can’t believe this. But before Frank could say something, Marcus said I have to go, bye…
Marcus, pacing back in forth in the bedroom…. mind racing: how could the woman he loved so dearly do this, let alone it be the guy he’s most cool with! All the codes were broken… how could he forgive her for this. I mean he knew he’s been busy, stopped giving her the valued attention & times she deserved. But it was for the best, the businesses were what paid all their bills. He calls Jennifer, Jennifer you need to come home ASAP. She asks why is there something wrong baby. Yes, get here quickly. And the phone hangs up…
On her way home she got a call from Frank. Frank said Angela, how could you let this happen??? She said what are you talking about. He screamed: me, you, MARCUS!!! and your name isn’t Angela it’s really JENNIFER. Jennifer said wait, what? You know Marcus. He said yes we are really good friends. And yes I told him about this wonder lady I was dealing with. I know you going to be mad, because I broke some codes, I had a video of you and I showed him in which he IDENTIFIED YOU AS YOU. He said he introduced us a few years ago. It’s all coming back to me Frank, yes he did at the Super Bowl party! Then Jennifer started screaming and you showed him what???? A video. That’s why he’s calling me to come home now. Bye I have to figure some things out. Don’t you ever call me again!
So I finally get home: I walk to the front door. My heart is pounding. I finally get in the house and walk up the stairs to the bedroom. I whispered Marcus where are you? He said I’m in the Room ANGELA .. her eyes stretched and I instantly melt to the floor….outside the bedroom door, I just couldn’t face what was going to happen….. Marcus whispered Angela I know everything,
Stay tuned for the book!
Hiding in the closet, she found..HERSELF! Sometimes, she needed a place where she could go and be Alone. No judgement and No advice just her! This closet was her everything, almost like a Secret Heaven. Her closet was filled with clothes and shoes. This closet was just the perfect fit for her to shield herself from everyone. She cried in sorrow, she cried in joy, she wrote, she danced, but most of all she PRAYED. She felt like the weight of the world was always on her shoulder, she did not know what to do. Friends, weren’t the friends she thought. Family, turned their backs in her time of need. She could not weigh her children down with the adult problems she faced. She literally felt ALONE. Her closet was always that secret place to go.
Growing up, she had everything she ever needed. Mom and Dad displayed Love and compassion. she had clothes, shoes, and food to eat. Also, Without hesitation, they made sure that she gets whatever she wanted as long as her grades were to perfection. They taught her how to love, how to be loved, how to work for what she needed, friendships and that the world didn’t owe her anything. Elementary School passed, Middle School passed, and now she advanced to High School. Elementary School was a breeze, Middle School was no problem, but High School became a challenge for her. She was older and there were a lot of different personalities to deal with. From friends to family to boys….. As the school years went by friends came and went. Family, stood by her side … Hooray, She met this guy in her grade that she became interested in….My my my was he handsome and apart of the Football team. Could not have asked for a better combination, right…right! She could see herself dating a guy like that. And, she did!!! Now, they both enter the real world as a couple. Seems like everything was so perfect!!
My question is: Do you fully KNOW someone?
Moved in together, got married and had 2 children and shared great Sex. You can just say were living the life until one day he talked down to her for no reason. But not just once, but over and over and over…The constant yelling and the negative comments….Oh my, was he disrespectful! Not so much the Prince Charming she thought she knew! What happened? They had a nice home, beautiful children, nice jobs…. but what they were lacking was the Love and compassion that she was TAUGHT to have.
See material things are sometimes put in front of the Love that they were supposed to share. So she tried to turn to her Mom and Dad for help, but the advice they gave, she did not want to hear it…she turned to her friends, but all of them created judgment towards her…Who could she turn to? HER CLOSET, became her best friend. She felt so alone like no one cared about what she was experiencing! So, When no one was around, she went there…Her Secret Place….When she got up in the morning, she went in there. Whenever she felt down, she found her secret place. And then and only then through crying, laughter, writing, dancing, and prayer SHE FOUND HERSELF again. And at that moment she was able to face and conquer the world! She finally got herself and her self-esteem to a point where she could approach her husband! Over time, Things got better. Needless to say, Life went on and because of the praying she’s done, things are back to normal!
So see: sometimes we all need to find that hiding place. We can easily get LOST in our lives or even in this sometimes cruel world. We must know WHO we are and remember what we were TAUGHT. Understand that life will throw a lot of lemons at you, but you must face everything and move right along. Verbal abuse is so common and we take that lightly. No one should ever be called out of their name or belittled!
On yesterday, Saturday, August 18th…. I celebrated my 11th Wedding Anniversary!! Lord, I give you thanks first because without you being #1 in our lives, we would have been FAILED! Y’all this is such a wonderful Milestone for us! We are a YOUNG couple who made a vow to always Love each other forever! Though there are tears, there are more laughs! Though there’s plenty of downs, it never outweigh the ups! Yes, marriage can sometimes be a challenge, but we go through those challenges to LEARN each other and to be able to work things out! Those downs make you appreciate the ups!
Y’all, Never GIVE up on something or someone you Love! Love is not easy, it’s hard work! Keep pushing, keep praying, and keep smiling! Those mountains can always be moved!
Happy Anniversary to us ❤️😍😍❤️ God please grant us with many many more!
We often say we FORGIVE, but we keep bringing up what we was supposed to forgive!
In any situation, relationship, marriage, or just in general…..We are put through challenges. Depending on who YOU are and what YOU believe, you either forgive or don’t forgive! Today, I want to focus on those who do forgive. If you find it in your heart to Forgive a person for whatever they have done wrong to you, that is a wonderful step into getting over it.
However, if you’ve chosen to forgive, you should not bring whatever it is up in their face. No matter what, that is over and done with. We often bring up an old situation, when we get mad again or if that specific person does something else. No, nothing goes away. By bringing up something old(that was supposed to be forgiven), is really a sign that you NEVER forgiven them and that you have not gotten over it. So basically, it is still causing you more harm and stress for yourself and the other individual. Making you MISERABLE.
No, you will Never Forget but you work daily at trying to let it become just a memory instead of a daily nightmare. It will cause so much chaos and turmoil just keeping that alive. sometimes, you just have to bury things and leave it there. We’ve all made someone mad, we’ve all done someone wrong, we’ve all made a mistake that we just CAN’T fix… We’ve all forgiven, we’ve all been forgiven by someone else… We take our Losses and our Angers, deal with them, and MOVE ON! And at that moment you know how to DEAL with that person and to handle them from that point! EITHER, you stay and let it go, or you cut ties and move on. Sometime you just have to remove yourself from others or the situation!
Personally, I do NOT like bringing up and reliving old things. It does nothing to me but get me angry again and feeling hateful for something/someone I was supposed to forgive. Furthermore, I don’t want someone I’ve hurt or made mad, to forgive me and then later down the road throw it back in my face.
We just have to learn to deal with SITUATIONS better!
Sometimes, we realize a change is needed! Rather it is needed in our relationships, our families, our personal lives, our jobs, or our community… we must start the change within ourselves! Never depend on the next person to be the change!!!
Sometimes, we need to stop and take a second and just look in a mirror! We often at times BLAME the next person for the things that happens. No one wants to ever man up to the blame!! Why?
We are afraid of Criticism, We are afraid of what others will think, We are afraid to be WRONG… And Furthermore, it is so much easier to just PLAY the VICTIM. Playing victim sure gets us ATTENTION and sometimes it is not the attention we’ve hoped to get! Yes, sometimes we need to stop and look into that mirror! We, sometimes need to be reminded of who we are. We often step out of character or even out our comfort zones for irresponsible reasons. Never do anything that you will regret or be ashamed of, if it ever comes to light. Here, goes the mirror, look in it! Remind yourself of who you are, who you’re supposed to be!
Is that the image you wanted to see? Remember it’s not always the outside that has the ugly reflection…that inside is a big part of you as well! Be the person you are DESTINTED to be, not what others EXPECT you to be! Take that mirror & figure it all out. Realize that you are the REFLECTION! Realize that sometimes you become damaged and can not always SEE your pieces falling out the mirror. And that it is ok to throw that mirror AWAY and get a new one! That is what I call, Starting over or starting from the bottom! Challenge yourself to make a PROMISE that your mirror will ALWAYS reflect the person you are SUPPOSED to be and that if it shall ever Shatter.. You will get another one!